Just another weird hispanic person trying to fight crime and cross borders. Also like jellyfish, turtles and other funky marine life/animals.
Its difficult. Opening up to new people can be hard. I think, hey its great I’ve made new friends who like the weird same stuff I do and can actually talk with me! But then complications occur, things get muddy, and I end up hurting the people I care most about. The more I push people away, the sadder many become, but then again keeping them too close I always seem to end up hurting them as well. No matter what, someone gets hurt and deep inside I can’t stand it. I want to desperately help anyone I make feel bad, but I feel so anxious that I will just continue the same cycle of hurting them. Is it better if they just stay clear of me? Should I reach out or back away? Backing away seems easier but I can’t let go knowing the pain I’ve inadvertently caused. Before starting any romantic relationship I need to make sure that deep inside everything is stable but it feels like that is so far away. In the end I know it’s better to be alone, than with someone just for the sake of being with someone. It just seems like the next set of busses aren’t coming anytime soon.
I pity the woman who will love you
when I am done. She will show up
to your first date with a dustpan
and broom, ready to pick up all the pieces
I left you in. She will hear my name so often
it will begin to dig holes in her. That
is where doubt will grow. She will look
at your neck, your thin hips, your mouth,
wondering at the way I touched you.
She will make you all the promises I did
and some I never could. She will hear only
the terrible stories. How I drank. How I lied.
She will wonder (as I have) how someone
as wonderful as you could love a monster
like the woman who came before her. Still,
she will compete with my ghost.
She will understand why you do not look
in the back of closets. Why you are afraid
of what’s under the bed. She will know
every corner of you is haunted